Life Doesn’t Need Managing

The weekend I stopped carrying experiences that weren’t mine

Last weekend I was teaching in the breathwork facilitation program I graduated from a year ago.

Sadie was there too.

Not as my partner.

Not as someone I needed to take care of.

She was there as a participant.

And I was there as a facilitator.

Seems simple enough.

Except I quickly realized how much of my energy naturally moves toward helping, protecting, checking in, and making sure the people I love are okay.

None of it comes from a bad place.

But I could feel it.

That subtle urge to manage.

To make sure she was getting what she needed.

To make sure she was having the experience she came for.

To somehow help the whole thing along.

And every time I noticed it, I had to let it go.

Because the experience wasn’t mine.

It belonged to her.

And once I got out of the way, something beautiful happened.

She had exactly the experience she needed.

Not because of me.

Because she showed up.

Because life met her there.

That really hit me.

Because I’ve spent a lot of my life carrying things that were never mine to carry in the first place.

The funny thing is, the same lesson showed up for me all weekend.

Not just with Sadie.

With facilitation.

With speaking.

With teaching.

Public speaking has never been my favourite thing. And I love it at at the same time.

I’ve done a lot of it over the years, but if I’m honest, it’s often felt like work.

A chore.

Something I had to push through.

For the longest time I thought the problem was public speaking.

It wasn’t.

The problem was everything I was carrying into it.

Trying to say the right thing.

Trying not to miss anything important.

Trying to make sure everyone was getting value.

Trying to manage how I was being perceived.

Trying to make sure I was doing a good job.

That’s a lot to hold while you’re trying to be present.

I was facilitating alongside three very good friends, and it was so fun, so light.

And somewhere along the way, something softened.

I stopped trying to create an experience.

I stopped trying to prove I belonged there.

I stopped trying to get it right.

And for the second time in 3 weeks, facilitation felt effortless.

Not because I suddenly became better.

Because I became present.

More honest.

More vulnerable.

More willing to let people see me.

More willing to trust that I didn’t need to manage every moment.

The freedom wasn’t in becoming a better facilitator.

The freedom came from putting down everything I thought I needed to carry while facilitating.

And the more I reflect on it, the more I see how often we do this in the rest of our lives.

We carry our partner’s emotions.

We carry our children’s futures.

We carry outcomes that haven’t happened yet.

We carry conversations that don’t exist.

We carry how other people see us.

We carry versions of ourselves we’re trying to become.

And then we wonder why we’re exhausted.

Life doesn’t need nearly as much help from us as we think.

People are far more capable than we give them credit for.

And a lot of what we call responsibility is fear wearing a respectable outfit.

Fear that if we stop holding everything together, it might all fall apart.

But life has been unfolding long before we arrived.

And it will keep unfolding long after we’re gone.

My job isn’t to control the unfolding.

My job is to participate in it.

That’s what I witnessed all weekend.

The most powerful moments didn’t happen because someone forced them.

They happened because people showed up.

They stayed open.

They stayed present.

And they allowed life to meet them where they were.

That’s the invitation I’m taking home with me.

Not to care less.

Not to do less.

To trust more.

To loosen my grip.

To put down what isn’t mine.

And to remember that life is remarkably good at finding us, teaching us, and shaping us when we stop trying to manage every step of the journey.

Freedom isn’t found in holding everything together.

Freedom is found in finally letting go.

2 Things To Do Today

Thing 1. Let the Breath Arrive

For the next 2 minutes, breathe naturally through your nose.

Don’t try to deepen the breath.

Don’t try to relax.

Don’t try to fix anything.

Simply notice the exhale.

At the bottom of the breath, allow yourself to pause.

Then wait.

Wait for the body’s natural signal to breathe in again.

Not when your mind thinks it should.

When your body asks for it.

Let the inhale arrive on its own.

The body already knows.

Thing 2. Put One Thing Down

Ask yourself:

What am I carrying right now that isn’t actually mine to carry?

Someone’s emotions?

An outcome?

A conversation?

How you’re being perceived?

Choose one thing.

Put it down for today.

Just today.

And notice what becomes available when you stop carrying what was never yours to hold.

Today’s Mantra

I do not need to control the unfolding.

I trust life enough to show up for it.

Lets talk

What’s one thing life is asking you to trust right now?

Until next time, one breath, one kind action, repeat.


🧡 Ben

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