Rhythm vs Rules

Why Rules Break Us and Rhythm Heals Us

2 Things Tuesday

The ocean doesnt observe rules, just rhythm

Last week I shared something different: Part 1 of The Year I Came Home to Myself.

It was raw. It was the part of my story that started in a basement, at the end of a 12‑year relationship, with a man I barely recognized anymore.

Today, we’re back to the tools.
Because rhythm isn’t something I found after I healed.
It’s what I reached for in the middle of the storm; one breath, one kind action at a time.

Why Rules Break Us and Rhythm Heals Us:

I’ve lived by rules most of my life.
Rules about food. Rules about training. Rules about how a man “should” show up.

Eat six small meals a day.
Train six days a week.
Grind harder than the next guy.
Rest only when you’ve earned it.

The only thing I earned? Burnout. Injury. A fridge full of Tupperware chicken I couldn’t stand to look at.

I chased rules everywhere.

In fitness, I trained myself into exhaustion and then judged myself for needing rest.

In food, I ate according to macros and apps instead of hunger or joy.

In relationships, I held myself to impossible standards and shut down when I couldn’t keep them.

Even in writing, I thought a perfect draft would finally prove I was enough.

Rules always promised control. But control is brittle. It cracks under pressure.

Rules crack under pressure because they demand perfection. And perfection can’t bend, it breaks. Rhythm, on the other hand, adapts. It flexes with you. It carries you forward instead of breaking you down.

Here’s the contrast that finally woke me up:

What the Industry Sells (Rules):

Eat perfectly, never “slip”

Train harder, push through pain

Hustle or you’re behind

Perfection = proof you’re winning

What Actually Works (Rhythm):

Eat like you matter, one meal at a time

Move for joy, move to return

Rest is productive, stillness is rhythm

Consistency = trust in yourself

Rules look clean, but they fracture us.
Rhythm feels messy, but it holds.

And this is where you come in. Because rhythm isn’t something we follow alone.
It’s something we build together; one breath, one kind action, repeated.

That’s our rhythm. Not another guru plan. Not a list of rules. Just an invitation to keep showing up, together.

2 Things To Do Today

Thing 1: Breath Practice – 2:1 Exhale Breathing

Inhale gently through your nose for 3.
Exhale through your nose for 6.
Repeat for 2 minutes.

Why this works: Doubling the exhale length grounds the body fast, releasing tension without force. The message: rhythm restores, rules restrict.

Thing 2: Kind Action – Choose the Softer Option

Notice one place today where you’d normally push harder, and choose ease instead.

Take the shorter walk instead of the long run.
Say no to the extra task that isn’t yours to carry.
Let dinner be simple, not perfect.

Why this works: Every time you choose softness, you’re breaking the rule that worth = effort. You’re practicing rhythm instead of punishment.

Mantra:
Rules crack. Our rhythm carries.

Let’s Talk:

Where are rules still running your life, and how could rhythm rewrite them? Drop it in the comments. This is how we keep our rhythm alive.

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If you haven’t read The Year I Came Home to Myself: Part 1 yet, you can read it here:

It’s the story of the basement, the boxes, and the man who wrote “two things” on a sticky note just to stay standing.

Part 2 drops October 7th.
We go deeper. Into the breath. Into the mirror. Into what came next.

Until next time, keep going, one breath, one kind action, repeat

Ben